"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

my close friends probably know that i'm uber stressed out by my upcoming dance item. hiphop -.- i've never ever been so stressed out over dance before. back in jc, even when we had like 1 month to learn the chereo and perform, i could somehow just do it. of course, it helped that we did contemp in JC, which is like, my forte. and hiphop is so not!!!

over the last few days, i've been wondering and cursing at why they let me through the auditions when i clearly am not as good as the rest. there are ten dancers, and among us, nine are trained in hiphop, performed several times, and then, there's me. sigh. it's too much to ask for in too little time. contemp was a breeze for me because years of training gave me the required muscle memory - give me an action and i roughly know what goes on next. with hiphop, it's like learning to walk all over again, forcing myself in awkward positions i'm not used to, in fact, in positions which defies all that i've learnt during ballet and contemp. i can't get the slouching right, nor the tough firm arm stance, all of which are the foundations for hiphop. why, i repeat, why did they let me in. okay, maybe i should change my wail to why, why did i go for the auditions?! now, i can't pull out.... nor can i keep up.

today i had a fever, so i just sat in and observed the class. at times, i found it really encouraging, like. yes, it's my chance to challenge myself and master this. but, it's humiliating when you can't catch up. at least, i'm not used it it because i've always been one of the better dancers in my jc. maybe it's pride talking. i don't know. nonetheless, i'm thinking of the dance moves every single waking moment. listening to the chereo music sends my palms sweaty and brows in a frown. yet when i try to dance it out, i just feel like a big clumsy mess. emo much. i don't know how much i can take this stress man. i was this close to pulling out. and i'm still thinking if i should. one month. one month to learn a completely new dance genre, which is nothing similar to anything i've danced to in my life. nothing like contemp, nothing like ballet, nothing like jazz, nor salsa, nor waltz. but it's not a rare genre, many have done it before... maybe i can. one month to master it, dance it like i've been dancing it my whole life. to go out there and perform.

omg. i am so freaking out. :(