"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are


Yesterday's Halloween Urban Skate was a whole lotta fun! We all donned costumes and skated down around town area. Many many hilarious things happened along the way, I can only remember a few though.

Fengru's costume was one of the randomest. Like hello, Stitch + a Harry Potter robe? It's like a fairytale gone wrong. Stitch's teeth sinking into her head and blood dripping down her face is supposed to be scary, but I think Stitch is still too cute for that haha. I wasn't dressed up because I honestly had no idea they were gonna put so much effort in it! So I only had a wizard hat with blinking lights -.-

Satoshi and Simon as gorrillas! And the gorrillas had the most laughable, dumbest faces. Haha. Super cute la. Even thinking of it I feel like laughing. It was so hard to tell them apart, though. Only later in the night when Simon wet his pants did we manage to do so :p

Close up of Gorrilla No. 1 ;)

I managed to get a scarier costume! Weekee lent me his skeleton mask and put it backwards on my head with my hair coming outta its eyes. When I went into the CCA room, ShiJie screamed when she saw me muahahha. But that's only her, the other people said it looked comical lol. That's Jason beside me, I think his mask is really quite scary, can give kids nightmares. When we skated past Boat Quay, there was this dad holding his 5-yr-old daughter's hand. He saw us and told her "Don't look, scary scary", and walked in front quickly. But she was still looking back at us, wides eye-open and mouth agape, being dragged along by her father. That scene was so cute man.

But we weren't really that terrorizing la. Besides the lone incident of Huixin trying to say "hi" to a baby in her witch costume and making that baby so scared it cried, the rest of the kids we met were very happy to see us. They were so amused that they tried to touch us and shake our hands. The people in Clarke Quay, especially the ang-mohs, were also very eager to take pictures with us. So yay. Successful Halloween Urban Skate. All thanks to Skateline.

What completed my day was... I learnt the Waltz Jump and how to do a nice continuous 360 degrees Three Turn. Next friday is only a week away. Skating in the day plus the real Halloween at night :D

Weekend was gone in a flash because of all my proj meetings. I hadn't had a proper free ie. school-less weekend in goodness-knows-how-long! But I went to church today, which brings me to announce that this year I've broken my record of number of times of going to church! And thus, fulfilled my new year resolution. Haha. In the past I used to go to church, max - twice per year. This year, if I didn't remember wrongly, I went twice before summer, twice in USA, and so far twice after I came back. Yeah I know it's no big deal for all you regular church go-ers out there but I'm feeling really glad of my "achievement" and I think God is feeling glad for me too. So yays. And I must say, despite my initial doubts about charismatic churches, NCC sermons are really not bad.

I'm gonna be interviewing our OCIP participants tomorrow and to be honest, I'm excited but SUPER DUPER NERVOUS as well! Eeks!


This term is really killing me in terms of my gradees. Just got back my MS midterms today and will be receiving my MA results later. Dieee. I really should start getting serious, like now. But I'll start tomorrow la. It's always tomorrow. Do it NOW! No la, tomorrow la.

I'm so jaded from struggling to keep afloat. I've taken that one deep breath before I started swimming but I realised that it may not be enough. At this point of time I feel like letting go of the things I've fought so hard for, because as the date draws closer, I get more and more doubtful. And it's tiring to keep on hoping and fighting when the facts just show that it's a losing battle.

At times I wish I had a forceful hand to guide me, to drag me along, or to propel me forward. I wish for an authoritarian figure to tell me what I should or should not do. Stumbling forward in my own footsteps, wondering if it's the right path... it's so confusing and the consequences stare in your face at each crossroad, but I guess it's something I have to do.

The words of the trainer from the leadership workshop I attended last weekend keeps ringing in my head: "Sometimes giving up is not a show of defeat, it's just acknowledging the risks and facing reality. You can always try again when you're ready, because if you're not, you're just putting your whole team at risk."

I still want to try. But I need the strength.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr


"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven"
- Luke 6:37


Good news and Bad news!

Good: Our OCIP got approved! :D *jumps for joy*

Bad: The lyrical jazz class was cancelled due to poor response. I hope they refund me my moolah quick! Now I'm considering if I should join Singapore Dance Theatre's contempory or LADC's lyrical jazz instead. Argh decisions!


All I really want to do is to feel alive.


Yay yesterday was a fulfilling skating session! Mastered Crazy Sun, Volt (without cones), and some random ice-skating turns. Really envy people who can learn super fast! Like they were born on wheels haha.

Anyway, think I trained too hard yesterday. Not only did I fall down countless times, they were really hard falls. Like those you fall with a thump and then everyone will turn and look at you and ask if you're okay. At the end of our skating session, my arms were so weak that my elbows collapsed inwards when i tried to push myself up unless I made a conscious effort to straighten them.

We skated to some hawker centre in Bugis to have dinner. And I was supposed to go home after that because I was so tired! At least that's what I told Jacob, that's why he agreed to come for dinner. But after dinner, I felt like going for urban! Feel quite bad for changing my mind so much because I think he had work to do. And it's not the first time. For the 2 weeks previously I said I wasn't going for urban but still went in the end. Urban's like drawing me towards it, I can't resist anymore!

So we urbaned to the Flyer from bugis. Quite a short one this time round, because I think we were all tired. But still fun!

I'm aching all over now! My arms, legs, even my neck. Think I'll have to waddle like a duck when I go out later. Can't wait for our next skating session! Wanna master the Volt with cones, and brush up on the existing things I know. I can do a couple of things on slalom, just that I don't have the speed so it doesn't look as nice. But everytime I try to practise, I'll be like, why practise something I already know if I can practise my iceskating(on rollerblades). Iceskating always comes first cos it looks pretty! Haha! Arghhh see how.


It WILL happen!

The little thought that "it won't" is always nagging at the back of my mind, and everytime I consciously think of it I feel like hyperventilating. Seriously! I'm really worried that we can't do it in time. And once we start, we can't stop till we reach the end. Just so scared it crashes and burns halfway. We'll have so many people to answer to.

You know something I realised recently? I'm past the age when I say "In the future, I'm going to do this..." There's no more "in the future" for me (well not considering the obvious things I can't do now, like erm, retiring?). Mostly, life is just here and now. Meiying and I wanted to organise an OCIP, and here we are organising it. If I want to set up a business, I'm gonna have set it up. If I want to go on exchange, I'm gonna have to apply for it and go. This is the time. I think it's more scary than empowering because we've reached the age where we have to face up to reality. We can't hide behind our youth anymore, to promise things we don't mean, just because we can't do it yet. For example, since secondary school, I always said that I would go on exchange, but I just said it without thinking much because I knew I didn't have to, not until now. With only 3 more years left in uni, I have to decide whether or not I should go. The reason why I'm hesitating is because most of the programs in my school only allow 1 or 2 students to go to a particular uni at a time, and I'm too scaredy to go to a whole new country all by myself. This is the reality - for many things, it's now or never, and we don't have much time to think anymore.


Sups at Ice Cube with my supper buddy before he flies off to Taiwan! Yum. Today flew by so fast. Woke up at 12, watched Ratatouille on Disney Channel, then watched a couple of videos on Youtube and then night fell already.

One of the videos I watched was Zeitgeist, and it really impacted me alot. Highly recommended guys. Set aside an hour to watch it, it's worth it (Watch Part 5 onwards, I think Part 1-3's not as good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5pz1ZW59Ys&feature=related ) Definitely not everything in the video is true, but one thing for sure is that today's youths are slowly becoming so consumed by entertainment and mass culture that we don't think or question enough. All we care about is what's popular, what's cool, what'll make us successful etc. It's so dangerous because we're increasingly becoming a society of people brainwashed by popular culture. Watch the video! Don't take it as the truth but it will help you gain a new perspective on things. There's more going on in the world out there and it's time to stop being so preoccupied with our work/studies/play and start noticing it.

As soon as I get the time, I'm gonna borrow Brave New World and 1984. Hopefully during term break because once school starts again I'll won't be able to afford the time to read. It's so sad that I can only read one or two storybooks a year now. In secondary school I used to read a book every week. Haha yes I was/(wish I still had the time to be) a bookworm!