"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

you always said i don't express myself enough. i agree. these are the things i never said.

been thinking about you every day since the day we met.

after the black light party when i went to look for you, you asked if i left the party just to see you. i stupidly said, nah, the party was dying down anyway. i don’t know why i said that, i wasn’t thinking. truth is, the party was dying down, i was only staying on because i wanted to see you.

that night when you told me you could never figure out what i was thinking, and that i should express myself more. although i just laughed and said i was speechless, i was actually thanking you again and again in my head for accepting me in spite of everything i couldn’t give. why did you do so? why do you still do so? haha i sound like i have an inferiority complex but you’re really too perfect to be true.

the first time i stayed over at your house, i lay on the bed next to you to sleep, somehow, i forgot to breathe, and i had to swallow my saliva in gulps. you noticed and started laughing because i sounded so nervous. i kept quiet but i really was nervous, to be lying there so close to you, listening to your heartbeat. you were so effortlessly beautiful like an angel, i was afraid of disturbing you in your sleep, so i was trying to hold my breath all the way until you fell asleep.

there was this surreal moment when you hugged me from behind in your sleep. immediately, i just fell asleep, feeling so secure, to this beautiful dream.

i start missing you every time you leave to go home.

this is illogical. I don’t know him well at all, he doesn’t know me too. we always do the same things, and i think the things we do get boring sometimes. our conversation is still bordering on the small talk level, i am too polite and can’t be myself. yet i’ll never miss a chance to see him, not when i’m rushing a paper, i think not even if i’m unwell. what is this? and what is keeping this together? everytime he goes off, i don't know what is the thing that makes him call or text me again. and so, everytime he leaves, i feel insecure, like that will be the last time i'll ever see him. that's the reason why i always want to see him out as far as i possibly can, in case that's the last time i'll see him again.

call me soon, i miss you already.