9:16 PM, Sunday, August 31, 2008
After contemplating for a long long time last night, I finally RSVP-ed the person at 2am, and went for the dance auditions today.
But I'm afraid that the questions will keep on coming. First it was "Should I go for the auditions?"
Then it'll be "Should I stay in dance?"
Then it'll be "Should I dance in the production?"
Then it'll be "Should I continue now that the production has ended?"
Forget what I said about last week being all empty, school's starting to get busy again. And with my skating sessions and salsa classes, I doubt I can cope with school work. Much less so if I join modern dance as well.
Argh. How.
Initially I was thinking of taking it one step at a time. So I went for the auditions. But I know if I keep on doing this, I'll just push the decision further and further away until I no longer have a decision to make and am stuck with it.
I really love dance. But I have to get my priorities right. If I can find them in the first place.
Amanda told me to just try it out for a few sessions but the thing is, I have a problem with quitting. I just can't, somehow. So taking this plunge means I'll be in the whirlpool for quite a while. I have to make a decision now. Which is so hard because I can't even make small decisions like what to eat for lunch.
Today after the audition, I was so glad that I went. And I came home feeling all fulfilled and couldn't wait for the next practice. But now I'm just tired, and I can't finish my readings and I can envision myself living without dance. After all, without modern dance, I still have my salsa classes. My sister, being the logical one, said that since my mood changes so much (50-50), I should just not join it. Because if I join it, I'll regret joining 50% of the time, plus my studies will suffer. If I don't join, I'll regret not joining by the same amount, but I'll have more time for my studies. So the obvious rational decision, is not to join.
But then again, I was never really the rational kind, so I don't really agree. Or maybe I do. Argh I can't even decide if I agree or not.
Decisions are seriously the bane of my life! Can someone just make them for me?! : (