"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

forget what i said last year about being able to shower without a heater. the truth is, i'm terrified of bathing in the cold. which is actually, the bane of my vacations overseas. this year, i'm going to some place way colder to any i've ever been to before, and i'm really dreading the bathing part. it's quite trivial actually, but i can't just stand the shivering and chattering teeth. so i've decided to be a really dirty lil' girl and not step into the shower at all until we reach italy. which is still cold, but supposedly the warmest of the lot already. that is, if mom lets me. haha.


OMG I FORGOT TO WATCH THE OC AGAIN!

urgh! can somebody just kill me. :(


i was thinking today how easily i might have been any girl i saw on the street. maybe that nerd, that sweet girl-next-door, or the ah-lian all decked in shiny pink. who knows? maybe, if i didn't go to st. marg's, or if i had a different group of friends while i was growing up, i wouldn't even be me. it's like those books, where you get to choose your next move. every move you take at each point of time will bring you to a totally different ending. life is like that, in a way. except, you can't go back to try another move if you don't like the ending.

it's scary, how we think we know who we are, but yet, we're really don't. that our personalities, views and way of thinking are mostly actually shaped by the things and people around us, we're not really us, we are just reflections, always changing, and adapting, perhaps until a certain point in our lives when we've hardened completely into the moulds which society has given us.

we were lying on the bed the other day, and i was telling the girls that most of the time i stumble into things. i don't make major decisions based on rational thinking, but somehow i just find myself making choices in a flurry, and then suddenly i realise i'm in the middle of something i don't really understand. like i'm just falling into things, falling into character. and it's so easy to just drift to where the current takes you, without thinking too much. i've been like this for all of my life. but i'm starting to wonder, what if i don't like the ending of my story?


Pastels has been the most time-consuming project ever but i'm not satisfied with it at all. sat at my desk for nearly three hours straight today just thinking and cutting and pasting, but i'm barely half-done, and it's not even nice. i think i've lost the inspiration. the previous ones came quickly and easily, once i even completed two in a day. and they were pretty too, i must add. i feel like just giving up and just hanging them in my room but amanda said i should complete them since i did four already. still have six more to go, and barely any more ideas. sigh.


acting's harder than it looks. but only slightly harder, because i think i could manage it haha - only forgot my lines once, at the start. all of a sudden, the camera gets rolling, everyone becomes silence, all eyes are focused on you and the other talent looks to you for your next move, somehow, your mind just turns blank and you feel like the sound of your thumping heart would be recorded on camera. but you'll get used to it. actually, after a while it's pretty much like working, i don't see anything glamorous about it. you sit around, wait, while the crew sets up the equipment. maybe practise with the other talent a little bit. then director tells you to 'act this', you act this. 'retake', you act it again. then you'll sit down, and wait again while the other talent gets her shot taken. furthermore, i did not know anyone there except for joanne, and they were too busy to chat, so i was pretty much by myself. rather monotonous, in my opinion, unless you're on screen, because there is a lot of waiting involved. and frankly i was surprised i was able to act out the role appropriately enough, and in front of people too, i had my doubts when i saw the script, because it was a sad role. i'm usually shy about such things you know, haha!

and it was tiring too. filming only ended near midnight, and we could not switch on the fan the whole time, because the whirling sound would be recorded and the house did not have air-conditioning. we were almost suffocating in there.

hmm would i do it again? maybe if i was really really bored, and if they actually pay me the next time. yes i did not get paid because it's just a small production by film students (not because i didn't act well!) but i would get the dvd, which i'll probably never watch because i'd feel too embarrassed hehs.


i think my piano teacher's dog is suffering from schizophrenia. i don't know what she's thinking at all. one moment she's following you around the house eagerly, tail wagging, another moment, she's swiping her paw across your leg. argh. anyway, the reason why i'm here today is because my piano teacher forgot about our lesson? i walked into her house, calling and calling her name but she wasn't at home. oh well. more free time is good anyway.

life's been so busy! not that i've found a job or anything, but i've just got so many things to do. actually over the past few days, all i've been doing is playing the battle for wesnoth, reading, going out, doing art of some sort. at least i'm glad that all my time is fully utilised. i haven't even been watching tv or sleeping as much as during a's. in fact my only "leisurely" day was sunday, had breakfast with my folks at yakun, then lunch at some organic restaurant The Green Sense. food's pretty nice, i was expecting "organic" to be like, bleah. anyway it's been such a long time since i had any kind of meal with them. really, not even dinner at home. yepps so it's good.

i have to remember to watch oc tonight. totally forgot last week! oh and at this exact moment last week, we were still having our exams, sitting at the table, pens gripped in our hands, furiously thinking and scribbling. it seems like so long ago aye.

i went to register for the driving theory test yesterday with charles and his friend. the actual test is one month later so i'll have loads of time to learn. but the textbook looks so boring. eew. i have this feeling i'll end up doing last minute studying as usual. haha.


it's over! our entire school lives. no more uniforms, no more waking up in the wee hours of the morning, no more flag-raisings... everything which we've been doing for the previous twelve years of our lives. it's sad in a way, to see how time flies by. but right now i'm way too relieved to feel any kind of nolstagia. it'll hit soon though, that's for certain.

caught step up with the girls today. i think the movie is over-hyped. even though i acknowledge it's a dance movie and the main point is to see them dance (and of course, channing tatum), the storyline's still pretty shallow. yes, even for a dance movie. but the moves and music is superb, really. maybe i ought to get the soundtrack.

it was so funny because it seemed like all the bimbos of singapore united in that cinema. everytime channing tatum and jenna were going to kiss, the girls in front of us would start shrieking in a really weird, constipated kinda way, and the girls beside us would start squealing. i think marie and i were more amused about what was happening around us than on the screen? haha. plus after the show, everyone started clapping and this row in front of us started dancing! it was like everyone's on a high. must be the post-exam fever. haha.

i'm going to the library tomorrow with marie and amanda, i hope. yay. the books are waiting for me!


blessed assurance.


whoo! no more maths! haha. i was totally freaking out last night because i was reading my curve-sketching notes and i couldn't understand them, so my sister ended up explaining it to me. by the way she's sec 4. -_-"

how come i don't get all the good maths genes? :(

anyway, paper 2 was much better than i thought, after the paper 1 stunner. and curve-sketching didn't come out anyway haha.

i'm happy because i just had my dose of happy food! rum and raisin ice-cream. mmm-mmm. there's this new cafe at thomson plaza, selling premium ice-cream at a fraction of the price. that's like having island creamery right at my doorstep! i guess that will make up for the fact that ntuc doesn't sell paddle-pop anymore.

i think i'm high. oops jimmy neutron's starting.


somewhere along the way, i forgot who you were.

and so the poison seeps through my veins.


i was tossing and turning in bed for an hour or so last night. when i couldn't take it anymore, i went outside and sat on the sofa, curling up into a ball and hugging my knees, digging my nails into them. i tried to watch the oc, which i taped, but i was writhing too much and after half the show had passed, i realised i didn't know what had happened at all. i really don't know how i'm going to concentrate on studying for gp today.

how can anyone? with your abdomen sometimes churning, throbbing in excruciating pain, and an uncontrollable feeling of nausea that hits you in waves. i'm not exaggerating, and it's not like i have a low threshold for pain. it seems like if pain comes this often, one would get eventually get used to it. but if there's one thing i learnt, it's that one can never get used to pain. i took panadol, that's how i managed to get to sleep, but the effect of panadol has worn off and i'm not supposed to take another one so soon. and i throw up whatever herbal medicine my maid cooks. sigh. now i know why some terminally-ill patients would choose euthanasia.

but it's not all that bad. at least it only lasts for a few days, and at least it's today and not tomorrow. yikes.

some people say that this is kind of a preparation for childbirth? which makes me even more scared. apparently, the two worst forms of pain in the world are caused by firstly, the bite by a black-widow spider, and secondly, childbirth. i don't think black-widow spiders injuries are very common, but childbirth is something which about half of the world's population face. i don't know, maybe it's a both a curse and blessing in itself. guys are much luckier because they don't have to suffer anything close to the world's greatest pains. well of course there's the possibility of war. but that may or may not happen.

i know some people don't like to see girls blogging about their monthlys. but hello, it's the 21st century already. even virginia woolf wrote poems on them. so face it.