"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

my eighteen birthday may not be my most memorable, it may not be my most fun, but somehow it's different from the others. for the past few years, birthdays were just 'another birthday'. collecting the presents, cutting the cake, and the next day life would go on as per normal, nothing's changed. it's not the number of presents you get - last year i had many presents but it just gives you a kind of superficial happiness, probably because the presents didn't carry much meaning with them, most were polite gifts from acquaintances. this year, i had very few presents in comparison, but i was truly touched, deep down in my heart.

it's the little things that count.

like how pleasantly surprised you are when your friends actually remembered what you said you wanted, though it was just a casual comment made ages ago. i have the 25 girls to thank for that. then the guys actually bothered to make me a card. well, it was actually a piece of paper and it wasn't actually drawn by them, but still! it was so sweet and unexpected, like you don't usually expect guys to do these kinda things. then today, the dancers gave me my present. i was so shocked because i never ever in my life thought that i would receive one from them as the dancers don't have the habit of giving each other presents. but turns out carmen went to look for my gift yesterday after her meeting, though it was already very late and desperately searched for the perfect one cos' she was afraid i wouldn't like it. it wasn't cheap, and some of the dancers aren't exactly well off, so what touched me most of all was really the way someone in dance reacted when she heard she had to pay so much. can't say it here cos' it's kinda personal. but it really touched me. greatly. and made me feel a bit guilty too, i must say.

then there was viento's bunny too, and all the other little gifts which carried a whole lot of meaning.

seriously i have no idea why i'm being so sentimental. maybe i'm just beginning to learn to appreciate things a little more.

for the past few weeks there's been so much embitterment in me, i was so sour and wary about everything and everyone. now, i realised i've been mistaken about some people. how i hate people to judge me, but yet i myself judge people too quickly.

i hope to be a better christian. that's my wish.

feeling loved and blessed is like a buoy. it's not some miracle drug to give you instant happiness. but at least it keeps you alive in this crazy world.