"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

a time for retrospection.

and now i see life returning to the way it should be. the way it was before a particular day in april. looking back, the days of the year are all merging into one now, a long stretch of memories. yet i know i won't forget, can't, my mind refuses it. but as long as they settle comfortably in the back of my mind, undisturbed, everything's going to be alright.

it all seems so far away, as if a thousand years have passed since then. time has magnified some things, diminished others, but everything is coming to me clearer than it ever has been.

defrosted and thawed.

a long time ago, days of magic, giddy times which made me light-headed with eupohoria. mingled with nights where i used to lie on my bed, too weary to keep my heart together anymore, just letting it fall into fragments. till now i never knew how i survived. felt so worn out oscillating between two ends of an emotional extreme.

it got so close it was painful, the unreachable tantalization.

now i see it as a whole, now i see it as a string of days peppered with moments of joy and tears, i see it as the end of an emotional rollercoaster ride, i see it as a chapter closed.

what a year it has been.

perhaps you're an angel. perhaps you're a curse. or perhaps you're just the sunshine.

remember my half-hearted wishes? they came true. should i be happy?

and the questions still hover, unanswered.


viento!

dinner with them after ogl training today. they're a fun bunch of people. haha. so far, i think the people are great, the theme song is good, but the games are still rather mild in my opinion. not dirty or wet enough. but what was i expecting? mud, soap and slime like in sajc? oh well, i guess it's alright for aj standards.


the problem is that i tend to rely too much solely on one person. thus resulting in me always being in a shadow of insecurity, of whether i'll be forgotten, abandoned, or let down.

i don't like to wait but i keep people waiting.
i don't like to wait so i keep people waiting.

sometimes i get tired of all that polite small talk to people you don't know, who don't really matter - they'll only be passerbys in your life. smiling out of sheer courtesy, smiles which hurt your face, as though they don't quite fit. sometimes i wish i could curl up in a small corner of the universe, hearing the stars tinkle as they fall. wish i could just be moody old me. wish for a place where i can be myself, and no one judges, even if i'm not the same person every day.


dancers came over to my house yesterday to make the decorations for chinese new year, spent the whole afternoon folding crepe paper to make streamers. i have no idea why we are in charge of decorating the school for chinese new year. what has dance got to do with that? shouldn't it be the job of cldds or visual arts?! oh well. just hope everything turns out nicely.

at night, met the dotties in town to check out the flea market behind cine. quite cool, they sell nice stuff. then we had dinner, then desert, then supper. it was a total pig-out cum cam-whoring session lol. daner and mingfong went off at around 11pm and in a moment of impulse, i decided to stay over at youyi's house! so we went back to my house to grab my stuff and headed off to hers, reached at around 2am. cab fare was friggin expensive!

there we just talked; i was playing the piano while she was friendster-surfing. after a while i wanted to sleep and was already snug under the blankets but she kept waking me up cos' she wanted me to see the cute guys she found -_-". then when i finally managed to doze off, she woke me up again! this time to do maths. cos' i told her i wanted to do 7 tutorials that night haha! (in the end i didn't even manage to finish one) we did a few questions before we both got tired, and started getting really crazy and random - we were even squeaking "this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" at the top of our voices at 4.30am in the morning! lol. so decided to turn in.

next morning, followed youyi to clementi and rotted at mac's while she had her tuition, then we went to wisma to shop again. and then to novena to eat jap food. and finally back home.

whoa. i'm tired.

aiyo, daner just called me. i hafta go to town again now. feel like i've been to a thousand places today. bye i'm late.


some weird thingamajig i'm compelled to do since SOMEONE tagged on my board THREE times. -_-" thanks ah. lol.

RULES OF THE GAME: post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself. then, at the end of the quiz, list the people whom you want next to do this and tag 'you are tagged' on their blog to tell them to read your blog for rules.

1. i bite sweets, all of them. no patience to suck them, yepps, not even gobstoppers. lol.
2. there's a giant sunflower growing outside my garden.
3. i have 6 night-lights in my room. of course i don't use all of them at the same time. usually i just use 5. haha.
4. i like rain. and falling leaves.
5. i am terribly put off, grossed out and disgusted by mushrooms, powdered milk, lady's fingers and agar-agar. yuck.

there, i'm done. off to bother kiki next. haha. and maybe the dotties.