"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

keep it going.


life these days, can be simplified into ice blended mocha, pikaball and project work. and an occasional flip through my chinese handbook, which i'm supposed to be reading much more frequently since chinese a's are just a mere three days' away.

strangely enough, i'm happy. happier than i've ever been this whole year. and it's not just a one-time thing, a temporary rush of euphoria which crashes down as quickly as it comes. it's the days, tinged with peace and carefree-ness and laughter, and some kind of lightness in my heart. maybe it's because the whole thing has blown over, maybe it's because i've learnt to forget.

or maybe it's just the daily dose of mocha, which i swear, gets me incredibly high. lol.

i love my class. :)


satisfied my ikea cravings yesterday. hee. had all the meatballs and roasted beef i wanted, plus lime jelly and sea coast salad, which are new items by the way. the lime jelly is just average, though they gave a generous portion of fruits, the jelly itself was bland and a little too thick and gelatiney. sea coast salad is good if you're game for raw shrimps and oysters, they're very fresh.

they raised the price for chocolate mousse. it was $1 last year, then earlier this year it became $1.50 and now it's $2! haha so i decided to forsake my mousse this time round since i was already pigging out on so much but i'll be back to get it! haha i'm like some ikea food freak. :p

then went to shop for some decorations for my room. wanted to get two paintings of jazz musicians which were really cool, but they were too big, and would look oversized should i hang them in my room. sigh. conclusion - i need a bigger room!

i love ikea. haha. started liking it since young because of the movie room and the playground with lots of colourful balls. i remember how upset i was when i grew too tall and the person didn't allow me to enter the playground. haha. now i just go there for the food, and to look at the furniture and plants. the feeling there is strangely peaceful and reassuring, reminds me of my childhood, in some way. the same feeling i get at borders.

walked all the way from school to j8 today with amanda. all the way. it's pure madness, but quite fun. my legs are tired now argh.


the suspicion, the distrust, the questioning of everything i do. the silence, the cutting words, the resentment burning inside. how did it end up like this? what happened to the days of the past, filled with laughter and sunshine?


candy empire is going to burn a hole in my pocket, give me diabetes and make all my teeth drop! haha. really spent a lot of money on sweets and chocs today, and i'm going back for more! lol. discovered the fabulous shop with mayhwee jacq charles karan today.

jamin joined us for dinner, then we went to the steps outside marina square to sit and talk. haha, that's like our place already. sigh, but had to leave early because of stupid pw. speaking of which, i better get started on. urgh.

watching helplessly while they poison you.


dear God.

help me please.


yes, it does seem like something he would do.

and no matter how hard i try, i know deep down that it's just another pointless pursuit for happiness. an empty chase. because i don't know what i'm looking for anymore.

and yet another tear is wasted on you. a tear which falls forever.

had a great time with daner mingfong yingjun youyi today. haagen dazs is paradise! haha, but it's back to school tomorrow. promos results and dance after that. urgh. i feel tired just thinking about it.


this is called retribution. knew it would come someday. sigh.


finality?

i knew it. i just knew it. it was all so clear i wonder why i never saw it before.

been having dance everyday for this whole week. terribly exhausted. i barely have time to breathe. urgh. totally dreading dance again tomorrow. 2 to 9pm. i'm even going to have it on saturday, after the open house. oh well, at least lessons are stopped temporarily for now, so the only workload i'll have to worry about is PW.

trying to end it once and for all. but somehow it lingers, at the back of my mind.


a little baring of my soul.


need more retail therapy! going shopping again tomorrow. urgh, i don't think i'll have enough time to prepare for the econs paper on monday. but then again, since when have i ever been fully prepared for any paper?

i think i just screwed up my promos and the strange thing is that i don't really care. even though i should.

the jigsaw's done, you can stop this self-torment now.

good luck.


and i understood.

the next step is to keep my expectations low, erase my assumptions and suppress my hopes. it's the only way to maintain my sanity. you can never fall if you don't fly up high. it's time i finally learnt that, after stumbling for so long, searching for a way.

was terribly distracted during the chinese paper today. fancy me even thinking about it halfway during an exam - i put down my pen, rested my head on my hands and stared blankly into space for a whole fifteen minutes.

really, i know i'm hopeless.