"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

wet, yellowed and gross.

today i went to flip the toilet seats in the male toilet. and completed my week-old dare. hehe.

the tests weren't that bad afterall. at least not physics. chem was still horrible. but it's over! now i only have gp, maths and econs to concentrate on. hmmm. those can wait. now it's time to rest and finish my undone tutorials.


use your brain and think. do i look like i know the answer? then stop wasting your time and mine because i don't know either.

sigh. people are doing questions in their tys in preparation for the common tests tomorrow and i'm sitting here flipping through my notes, learning the topics for the first time. but it's okay, it's only 5% of the promos grade, i'm just going to be one step closer to being retained! argh. let's hope that some miracle will happen and i will somehow pass.


i wanna go to sentosa. miss going there like thrice a month when i was in sa. haha. it was like only 4 bus stops away. sigh. sand sun sea.

i wanna eat the big cookies from subway/mrs fields/famous amos/nestle tollhouse. haven't eaten them for so long. nobody buys them for me anymore. :(

i wanna go to ikea with muah chee to eat swedish meatballs and chicken wings. then i wanna go queensway to eat her up. hehe. i'm a greedy person.


i have to do make-up pe. urgh. i was so angry at the teacher that i was pratically storming off the field. sigh. stupid unreasonable smelly mr who-ever-he-is. URGH!!! now i have to figure out how to make an appointment for the make-up date. what a waste of time.

it's good that she's going, or else i'll die of torture everytime i see her. she's too perfect. i can't stand it.

on a lighter note, at least today's practicals were alright. for once i knew what to do. yay!

someone told me i was scandalous, because of all the rumours and sightings and stuff. hahaha. me?... scandalous?... *gives an innocent wide-eyed look* no way!

went for dinner with ying jun yesterday. it's so nice to meet up with old friends. just feeling their familiar prescence soothes me. sigh.

go away. far far away.
i'm scared of getting closer to you.


just a little prioritising, a little forgetting, and i realise that this has been an almost perfect day.


the days used to fly by so quickly, so effortlessly. like the wind running a million fingers through your hair. every moment was a sweet memory tinged with friendship and laughter. i miss that.

i'm tired. because no matter how hard i try, things remain the same.

it still feels like a dream. you came, you went.
and now we're strangers all over again.


don't believe what you hear.


i hate the times when i look at my tutorials and scream to myself,"what on earth are you doing here in science stream?!!"

hope i made the right choice. but even if i didn't, it's all too bad, because nothing can be changed now.

hope i don't get retained. hope i can pass my promos. hope i can pass the common tests coming up soon. sigh.

have to write my first preliminary ideas draft for PW on monday but i haven't even decided which question to do yet. newspaper analysis. physics maths chem tutorial. 4 topics of mcq in econs tys. 6 chapters X 4 subjects of first intake work which teachers want to check!!!

burning out. draining away.

went to watch samara with andrew on friday. it wasn't as scary as i expected but i still can't sleep at night. keep imagining her scratching her nails against the wall. :x


you thought wrong.

for the first time this year, i'm beginning to feel the stress of jc life pressing on me. in aj, everyone is so smart and hardworking and does their work dutifully all the time. urgh. i'm a whole three months' behind them. like when they do tutorials and stuff, i'll always be a few questions lagging behind trying to read the notes and figure out the topic. plus there's the common tests on week 6, so i'll have term 2 work plus the first intake work to catch up on. lots of work and so little time. sigh.

tried to rush forces and ap-gp tutorial last night and i did finish. at least i thought i did, because the teacher said only do the first eight questions. in the end when i came to school, i realised that on the average most in my class had already finished the first fifteen questions. gosh. so the teacher went through everything and i was lagging behind again.

went for dance auditions today...i only had 30 mins to learn the dance while others had 2+ hrs. not fair! i didn't know that we could be excused from afternoon pe to go for the auditions. but i think the auditions were quite alright, thankfully i manage to learn the steps in time. wasn't very nervous because i felt de javu during the auditions! dreamt of doing the auditions before...just that i didn't know that the place in my dream was aj dance studio. cool huh? de javus are such strange things. the feeling hits you suddenly, and a few familiar images flashes through your mind. but the more you try to clutch onto the memory and recall, the more the feeling slips away.

now there are blisters on my feet because there was so much turning and twirling involved in the dance routine. ouch. hope i get in. *crosses fingers*

chem practical today was quite disastrous. i didn't know how to wash all the apparatus *points finger at ms siti*. lol. then out of sheer stupidity i did titration without adding an indicator, because i thought it was potassium manganate and would change colour by itself. so i was titrating until almost all the solution in my burette was gone and wondering why it took so long. hahahaha it was really funny now that i think of it.

you're worse than i thought. but i can't help it. i'll just wait. everything will fade over time right?


maybe i'm already getting my punishment. or maybe it's just me again, disillusioned. i realize i can still feel, even though everything is muted and numb, icy cold to the touch. at least i know it is still alive. at least i hope it is.

blessing or curse, i bear it with a willing heart.

sweet misery.
sweet desire.
sweet surrender.


peach blossom luck.

it's so ridiculous i don't know whether to laugh or cry. strange things have been happening recently.


inertia.

dilpreet just called to tell me that there are vacanies in the arts stream. two, in fact, just right for the two of us. now i'm forced to make a decision. before, i was thinking that if fate wants us to be in the arts stream by giving us vacanies, then i would gladly oblige and transfer there. that was because i was so sure that the arts stream was packed to the brim after talking to the arts hod countless times. then two girls transferred out. and now i'm not so sure.

dilpreet sounded elated when she told me the news, so i'm quite certain that she will transfer over. when i heard the news though, i felt my heart sink. that's my instinct.

on the other hand, if i transfer over, i will be in the same class as benita, dilpreet, wang chin, arrifin...plus the people in that class are generally friendly.

i can study lit. i'm not that keen on geography though, since i haven't taken it before and it's quite risky. but i think i can still cope. in arts stream i know i will enjoy studying and school. the downside is that arts subjects are very unpredictable, unlike maths and science, you can't practise questions on it and expect to improve. they're very skill-based, it's either you have it or you don't. also, if i take arts, i can only go to arts faculty in university. although that's what i've been planning to do all along, i'm wondering if i will change my mind later.

my mom told me, for your whole life, you've been doing things based only on your interest. you like this, you do this, you like that, you do that. it may not be that way in the future. if you go to arts now, and end up as a arts graduate from nus, are you prepared that you may not find a job which you ideally want and like? which is possible since the demand for arts graduates in singapore is relatively low. furthermore, many people who are in arts-related jobs now never did arts at university, many are science graduates. and what if your priorities change in the future? right now you only care about doing what you are interested in because money comes easy to you, all you need to do is ask for it. but in the future it may not be the same. you may find it more important to have a high-paying job rather than one which you like but has a meagre salary. when that happens, you will wish you took science because it opens up much more options for you.

actually i already knew the answer before even typing this entry. i'm afraid to leave my comfort zone for something unknown. so i'll give myself 2 more years to decide.


today the saints went home.

sa finale night rocks! everyone was so high and the whole time they were all jumping, screaming and dancing. i was so happy to see the familiar faces again, the s72 people, the dance people and all my polkadottie friends who got into sa. went for dinner with the class at harbourfront and then went home with sarah wong and melody. missed poking her and pinching her pink cheeks! lol.

no matter how much i wish to think otherwise, i can't help but notice things have changed. somehow, someway, it's not the same anymore.