"You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be.”
-

i'm not a believer of chance. rather, i think that everything is pre-destined. therefore i shall view my repeatedly failed attempts to transfer to arts stream as a sign or something, that i'm not meant to take arts in jc. sigh. but i want! i want to take lit geog econs and maths. sigh. benita and arifin managed to get into that class. urgh. and i'm stuck in the pcme class which is full of unfriendly first intakers. oh well. at least sarah's here with me so i don't have to be ostracized alone.


someday i'm going to get my retribution. for this seemingly logic-less repulsion which causes others to get hurt. sigh. maybe there is a reason. maybe it's an automatic defence system which my heart has built over the years. that i only allow myself to hope for and like something impossible. in a way it gives me a sense of security, because i know i will never ever obtain it.

sorry.

to my dear rambutan: thanks a million for being there when i need someone to talk to. i'm really touched. that everytime you agree to meet me immediately after i call, no matter what time it is. and you never fail to cheer me up with your presence. thanks for being such a great friend, i don't know how i'll survive without you.


went out with my dwelling mates today, on an outing which was organised by zhenghui and...surprise surprise...me! lol.

well it wasn't exactly a success. only regina jolyn jiahui zhenghui quxuan came. though we did see levina too for a short while. like just walking past her and waving lol. in the end we didn't do any of the things we planned to do, most of the time we were walking and waiting and playing arcade. but, it doesn't matter. coz' what's important is that we bonded right? right. :)


i don't wanna go to school anymore. i miss sa really bad.


yesterday sarah yan messaged me to tell me that ajc's cutoff point had dropped to 8, according to her aj teacher. i was so freaked out and couldn't sleep the whole night. but, it didn't matter. because i still got in! phew!

sigh. don't feel like going for the cg outing later. i'm tired and i've got nothing to wear. urgh. but it's probably the last time s72 will be seeing each other again, so i guess i should go no matter what.


i finally know why. why i haven't been as happy as i should have been. trapped behind a wall of glass, watching the others laugh and smile from the other side. it's only this much closer to getting there. only one more day. but even that doesn't guarantee anything.


if i could just sit on the edge of my bed. waste away. and watch the world spin round and round until it crumbles into nothing. feel the ground shake from under my feet, draining the thoughts out of my mind. hear the stars fall lightly from the sky, the tinkling sound they make, like that of a windchime.

i just read a book, and i want you to say.
hey, you.
hey, you.
hey, you.

be like that?


reunion of muah-chee, suicide bomber, the construction worker's mistress and little cloud at east coast park.

fun. walking. hot. LOTS OF PHOTOS. 'monkey'. rolling around in sand. fighting for the ball. getting wet and sandy. ice-cream. junk food. chatting. laughing. long bus rides.

then we went back to ang mo kio to eat some more. aj ice, satay, fried carrot cake and durian and sweet corn ice. we are such pigs haha. so we decided to walk all the way from amk mrt station to yio chu kang mrt station to burn off some fats. i was playing the beach-ball with dan er on the way there and it bounced off onto the road. so scary! i chased after it and almost got hit by a taxi, according to youyi. it rolled to and fro on the road because the wind was very strong, and when a motorbike rolled over it, it flew up 3 metres into the sky before landing again. dan er and i had to run a long long way before we could finally catch it. phew!

i took a bus home from outside ajc. yup, ajc. most probably my future school. took a long look at it today and i don't think it's that bad afterall. they repainted it so it looks newer, and the people there are not as cheena as i thought they were. i mean, they talk more chinese than normal but still speak english quite a lot. so that's good.


watched spongebob the movie today with huimin. as usual, it's so lame that it cracks me up. haha. the power of goofy goobers.

huimin hasn't changed a bit since i first knew her 10 years ago. maybe except now she's got a boyfriend hehe. but other than that it's still good old huimin. it's comforting to know that some people will remain the same no matter what happens...because i've already seen so many people around me change, myself included.

she gave me this magic bean stalk thing for my birthday. it's basically a seed in a can which i'm supposed to grow and it'll sprout out with a message. hmmm, wonder if it'll survive under my hands. haha. i do not have green fingers. at all.


i lost my precious silver-heart chain bracelet from ms selfridge. i had it for 5 years and it has so much sentimental value...and i actually lost it. sigh.


today, 05s72 accomplished the impossible. 16 people, both guys and girls, in one neoprint booth. though vanessa was complaining that someone was breathing onto her, a few were complaining that they almost collapsed from the weight of the people behind leaning onto them, others were complaining of aching knees and thighs from bending down too long; though we were hot; though we were stuffy; though we couldn't really breath properly; we survived! with decent photos too. i'm so proud of our class! hehe.


crashed vj today! it was so scary when we were hiding in the toilet during assembly. tricia, her friend and i were just hanging around inside, talking, when we heard voices outside. so we rushed into the cubicles and locked the door. after a while, everything went silent, so i thought it was safe. slowly i opened the cubicle door and peeped out, and at that point, i saw by the reflection in the mirror that a woman was coming in. horrified, i closed the door shut and squatted on the toilet bowl so she wouldn't see my legs from outside. but she saw me already and tried to pried the door open. i nearly had a heart attack and was totally at my wits' ends. so no choice. i opened the door, smiled and said, 'sorry i'm using' and shut it right at her face again. haha. realised that it was only the toilet cleaner. phew!

i was the only st marg's girl in vj. roxanne yaomin and lydia all spotted me because of my very outstanding uniform amongst the sea of white. lol. the school is so nice! it's spotlessly clean, the library is furnished like borders and building just looks so classy. *sighs in rapture*

then the five of us -jacq liting me shawn weihong- went bowling at some cheapo place in katong shopping center. the computer screen conked up every few minutes and the ball couldn't roll properly down and got stuck there if you didn't use enough strength. hmmph. don't like that place. out of 2 games i only had one strike. haha i know it's pathetic.

later i had dinner with the darling wackos from 4e5 at pizza hut. it was so nice to feel the zany spirit in the air again. dan er and i were running around most of the time to find a prank present for youyi. in the end we bought her a piping hot char siew bao and wrapped it up nicely. we laughed and joked and talked so much in between slices of pizza and salad and soup. in the end we suspected the bill ran up to about $300+. poor mdm su - she paid for everything.

after eating dan er joanne youyi ning die wanxuan yingjun and me went walking around bukit timah plaza. it was late and most of the shops had closed so we were just loitering around chatting and acting crazy. haha. on the way to the bus stop, we were screaming half the time, partly because we were spooked by yingjun telling us she saw a ghost just now in the toilet, and partly because the route to the bus stop was deserted, dark and teeming with rats. eek! but it was so fun i wanted to walk on forever.


i'm having second thoughts now. about whether i made the right choice. it's not too late to change - i still have about 20 hours left to decide. it's weird, but i'm starting to miss sa. there's still time, i can still go back, join 'rapture', maybe even syf. i really love the sa school building, it's old in a nice kind of way. if i were to describe it as i would a person, i would say it aged gracefully. and the school bell, even though it's the same as st. marg's, it's sounds nicer, probably because of the better sound system. the feeling is so peaceful and strangely hypnotic. hearing the bell chime and watching the trees sway in the wind through the blue-tinted glass windows after class. haha. funny things to miss about a school, but what else is there? most of my class are leaving. most people in my og are leaving. many of my friends in dance are leaving. more polkadots are entering, though. haha. but still...


okay peeps, for cg outing pics go here


went shopping at suntec with dan er yesterday, dropping by the job exhibition to take a look along the way. haha i only went out for 4 hours and already saw so many things i wanted to buy!
1) adidas sling bag($59)
2) top from topshop($43)
3) tops from fox($19+$23)
4) dirty girl body mist($12.90)

must start saving up. heh.

today i'm going shopping again! probably going to get the adidas bag today. and watch 'a series of unfortunate events'.

hope the jae website stops jamming up. urgh.


i could always take the easy way out and put sajc as my first choice. then i would just go back to the same familiar building, wear their beautiful uniform, and have fun for the rest of my jc life. everything would run so smoothly. no need to re-adapt, no need for regrets, no need to compare. that sounds pretty tempting.

but have i forgotten how many times, sitting in the cafe doing nothing, i wished to be somewhere else? i feel a kind of emptiness in sa, that everything is too slack, as if school is just a carnival to have fun in. i feel insecure without solid ground beneath my feet. how will i end up after 2 years of education in sa? sa may not be as slack after second intake. but how can i be sure?

aj is on the other extreme. boring, cheena, walking robots, no life. haha, it's so amusing to hear how exaggerated the impression of ajc is. that is, i hope it's exaggerated. when i went to the open house last year, i hated the school so much that i vowed never to go there. the building was awful, and so was the atmosphere and uniform. when i came back home i immediately threw away all the brochures they gave without even taking a look at them, and for pae, aj wasn't in any one of my 12 choices.

but now, it might be my first choice. if i don't choose sa. sigh. confusion.


cg outing.

present-shopping at citilink. bowling. steamboat.
birthday. fun. :)


i'm thankful.

st. marg's did well. i believe mrs lee would have been proud of us.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY.