here with me.

working from home.

2012-02-14T13:56:00.001+08:00

feels awesome doing work from my couch, listening to damien rice and popping hi-chew candy every two seconds.

2012-01-06T19:16:00.001+08:00

Wish I could just let go and be less worrisome about the little things! Argh!

Keeping in my mind that my official jobscope of my new rotation hasn't started yet, these were the 3 things which brought my stress levels up:

1) Worried about having to eat lunch alone (actually I had offers for lunch, but I promised a new colleague I'd eat with her, and she didn't tell me she had meetings during lunch time!)
2) Abit worried about why my colleague had more work to do than me when we started on the same date.
3) Concerned on how to tell my boss to excuse me on Tuesday for other duties
4) Worried about my missing document due to the carelessness of my company's mail room >.<
5) Worried that I'll get a sore throat because I'm eating so much chips now. Haha joking. Ok not really, I actually am abit worried.

Haha so stupid right. Worrywart. Most of them were really irrational and it ended up I was thinking too much. Except no 4 which will be abit more tedious to resolve.

All the same, I hope it's goes as the other worries go and the documents miraculously pop up on Monday.

2012-01-05T17:53:00.001+08:00

Rah I hope I'll get my $800 back from company soon >.<

2012-01-01T11:52:00.001+08:00

my ex-boss is so thoughtful and nice! she gave those under her (me and my colleague) a guess bracelet for christmas and sends us heart-felt new year greetings. i want to be like her when i become a boss! haha!

2011-12-21T21:22:00.001+08:00

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

-Louis de Bernieres

2011-11-30T09:56:00.001+08:00

Don't look at anything else. Just look at Jesus and know that in Him, you already have your victory.

I really need His help now. So tired out I'm gonna run outta fuel soon. It's 8pm, I'm weary from the past few days of work, I still have to spend tonight preparing for a presentation at 9am tomorrow. And I still have to be cordial to everyone's requests during work even though sometimes i really just feel like switching off. I'm thinking more and more how I don't mind leaving this job for something that allows me to breathe. But I shall bear with it for two more weeks after my leave- I might think differently after that. Must. Persevere.

I've been trying to think positive but there's always a limit, ya know? Sigh. Sucks big time.

2011-11-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

feels good to go to bed at the end of the day knowing that someone loves you more than anything, and God loves you more than anything, and all is alright in this world. i feel prepared to face tomorrow. goodnight world!

2011-11-24T09:13:00.001+08:00

It's true I do like my job, somewhat, but most mornings I still really miss school life. Being able to stay out late or head out for supper ANY day of the week. Being spontaneous and able to do whatever you wanted at any time. Well most of the time except when you're having seminars. Which is like 3 hrs, 4 times a week.

Well well. This work week is slightly less crazy, but I'm still rushing to finish a lot of stuff before my boss returns from leave. I really wouldn't mind staying till 11 everyday just to finish up the stuff and put my mind at ease, but well - other commitments. Hope I settle into this pace soon!

2011-11-17T08:18:00.001+08:00

his stupidity haunts me still from time to time. it's so hard to put it behind me, like how he did.

2011-11-16T08:29:00.001+08:00

work's been really trying these days. feel like i'm chasing never ending deadlines, things that always creep one step in front just when i think i'm catching up. been doing work till past midnight last few days, and i don't have time for anything else.

2011-10-30T19:47:00.002+08:00

boyfriends need to understand that sometimes, for no reason at all, you just don't feel like talking to anyone.

2011-10-26T23:38:00.003+08:00

i shall officially name this month "PRESENTATION MONTH". on friday i will have to be one of the speakers for nus recruitment talk, then next week i need a presentation with my big boss, and then in 2-3 weeks i will have my FRC presentation :s

i know i should appreciate the challenges. and in a way, the order is such: from small presentation, to bigger presentation, to biggest presentation. so i shall treat it as training. jiayou!

2011-10-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

SIGH. so nervous about FRC. :(
it's like having a presentation where your LIFE depended on it.
oh well. must remember to hold everything with a loose hand, because if it's meant to be, God will hold it together for you.

don't stress don't stress!

2011-09-03T11:33:00.002+08:00

hmm updates. so far i'm still as confused with my developmental roadmap as ever, but at least i am very thankful that s am has put me in charge of the upcoming warehouse. i mean, wow it is actually very fun. how many people have ever organised a huge warehouse sales in their lives right? and i am looking forward to the actual day.

while i'm still in the mood of being optimistic and thankful, i wanna just jot down some of the dreams i had to remind myself to try to fulfil them in the future
1) live in africa
2) open up a cafe, like the book cafe in ystad.

2011-08-23T23:10:00.003+08:00

lols. looking at my recent posts, one would think that i'm bipolar :/

2011-08-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

alanis morissete got it right man. bitches and lovers are about the same thing.

2011-08-20T20:12:00.001+08:00

hee so happy. love my job love my dear love my life and everything :)

Jesus, always be the center

2011-08-14T21:55:00.003+08:00

hmm. how do you tell when we stop becoming each others' priorities?

it takes both hands to clap and both sides to try. i don't know why, but sometimes i just. don't. feel. like. trying...

2011-08-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

earning money is damn shiok.

2011-08-02T00:01:00.001+08:00

really appreciate d es for being "on stand-by" almost every minute of the day. if i suddenly feel like eating something or doing something spontaneous, he's there, zooming down to meet me in his car. if i don't, he understands. gonna miss this when he starts work!

2011-07-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

sometimes he just doesn't get it. sigh.

my throat feels sore :(

2011-07-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

what i learnt from my very hectic first week of work.

THERE IS NO TIME FOR PROCASTINATION IN THIS COMPANY.

even when you are overwhelmed with work, you hafta prioritise and get the most important things done first. timing is everything.

that said, all went well in the end. phew!

2011-07-01T12:50:00.003+08:00

haha d es surprise-delivered muffins to me to my doorsteps cos' i was complaining i didn't even try any and my family snapped them all up. really caught me by surprise :) and i was so unglam in my homeclothes and hair all pinned up!

2011-07-01T00:31:00.003+08:00

just got the email from my new company which made me uber excited! but... i'm the only person in my function this batch :( a another guy will be coming but that's like a while later. got the itinerary for the first week already. looks exciting! :D

had such a great day with d es today. such lovely rainy weather in the morning + cosy breakfast at hatched + chilling out at coffee bean + grocery shopping at cold storage + baking muffins at his house + yummy homecooked dinner by his mom + no strings attached on dvd. whoaaa :)

and, i like coffee bean's chai latte better than wild honey's actually.

edit/: ahhhhh the email got me so excited/nervous i don't think i can slp tonight! :p

2011-06-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

why are guys so clueless when you're annoyed with them. rah.

2011-06-28T20:17:00.001+08:00

bits of the consumer in me.

wild honey has the best chai latte ever.

and, i just bought a nice new organiser. it's white and blue and red. i like the smell of the fresh pages. wheeeee.

2011-06-28T00:47:00.003+08:00

2011-06-28T00:31:00.001+08:00

“I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway”

2011-06-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

mmm today's a happy happy talk-a-lot day. :)

i need more days like these, when we talk more about ourselves and times spent together. to integrate the him i knew as a friend and the him i know now. to re-ignite and remind me why i chose him in the first place.

oh and i asked him what are his languages of love, i guessed half correctly- it's time and touch. hehs.

2011-06-26T20:25:00.003+08:00

"one half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it."

but g lenn's right. it would be unfair if i didn't dare to take the plunge just because i'm afraid i've made a mistake. if anything. my verdict should only come after trying, i shouldn't pronounce a death sentence on my relationship just like that.

2011-06-25T11:49:00.001+08:00

learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.

2011-06-24T01:54:00.001+08:00

and time will bring all truths to light.

2011-06-19T00:18:00.002+08:00

omg what are the chances. she just spoke to me on msn. no animosity. so i went ahead and sought her advice. which put things into perspective instantly. thank God for friends like her. :)

2011-06-18T23:19:00.002+08:00

dear friend, it doesn't mean that everything's rosy for me now, it's not as simple as a happily-ever-after. i wish you understood and i wish we could talk cos' i think you're probably the only one who would understand. but, i know it's hard for you too. sigh.

2011-06-15T03:51:00.001+08:00

yeaa as long as i keep myself occupied, my mind won't wander to painful places...

2011-06-15T03:41:00.001+08:00

being alone with your thoughts is the worst place to be. urgh. i still can't get over it and move on with things :( this is bad. but although he's the cause of it, it's essentially my problem because he can't do/undo anything. howzzz.

2011-06-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

going to bed with a heart full of sighs. when you have too high expectations it sometimes gets so disappointing.

2011-06-07T12:44:00.002+08:00

God and choices. a little revelation.

with God, it's never a "you must do this or else..." thing. He's a gentleman, just whispering His guidance into your ear, but never forcing you to follow His advice. if you do follow, good for you, but if you don't, He still watches over you trying to make your ways right. He never gives up and He never punishes - because all that has already been done at the cross. instead He's like a GPS, even if you miss a turn due to your own carelessness, He's gonna redirect you, and you can still end up in the right destination if you are willing to follow it.

He gives you options and honours your choices. even when it is less than ideal, He does not blame, as Jesus did not blame thomas for not believing in His resurrection. instead, He made sure to go to thomas first to show him His hands and sides. but of course, God honoured the other disciples who believed first, for "Blessed is he who have not seen yet believed". what a kind God we have!

2011-06-07T12:28:00.002+08:00

have i only been chasing for perfection all this while?

2011-06-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

one of my favorite things to do is to sit at the launch station of macritchie as they release the water out. look to the sky, stars, and dark silhouette of the forest, and feel God in the wide open spaces.

2011-06-06T17:20:00.005+08:00

life's little comforts

haha i was showering just now and felt so happy when i realised I HAVE WARM WATER NOW! unlike my old house where the heater was spoilt and my lazy dad didn't wanna repair so i bathed in cold water for 3 years! it's not painful or anything but just uncomfortable especially when it gets to this cold rainy season and every bath turns into a teeth-chattering and jittery-jumpy affair.

went for my pre-employment exam just now and developed the photos and bought the shoes and i have pretty much done my errands for the week! i just need to go down sometime (probably tmr) to get my last vaccination.

and wandering around raffles place, i found nail polishes which are really similar to the OPI Pirates of the Carribean collection i've been eyeing for a while. i love the murky sea colours. the nail polishes i found though, were 1/6 the price! i bought two and are about to try them now!

2011-06-05T11:54:00.002+08:00

haha so crazy. h azel and i were just saying how it's amazing we met this south african family in vietnam, of which consists a 12-year-old boy and 14-year-old girl. and how we could totally talk and connect with them. and no, it's not because we act young ahem. we were wondering isit because ang mohs are more mature for their age.. in any case, even when my own cousins were 12, and i was like 15, i can't imagine talking to them in the same way!

2011-06-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

uplifting, comforting. you're as a warm bath on a chilly night.

2011-06-03T12:01:00.003+08:00

looking at sweden's pictures re-ignited my desire to go live there. plus s arah and e mil are coming to town with their lovely swedish-singaporean baby. plus it's spring there now! plus singapore's weather is crazily hot these few days.

can't help but feel that as life goes by there'll be more and more things weighing me down here. first, it's my job. second, my family? as my parents get older. des is not one of them cos' he loves sweden the same way i do but his job might be.

sverige, why are you so love-able and unforgettable? even after a year...

i just pray that if i never go back there in the end, God will open doors to new places which are just as beautiful. or, open doors in my heart to accept living a simple happy life right here.

2011-06-02T22:28:00.003+08:00

hmm i dunno. i guess i'm so comfortable right now cos' i'm detaching, keeping my distance, not letting myself fall too deep. that's the only reason why i'm not as upset with him as i should be. i guess, we all need time.

2011-06-01T16:40:00.001+08:00

gotta be more to life.

i love my room now. so pretty! now i just need a new chest for my bags and some new curtains.

BUT i seriously wana live overseas. i spend ages on facebook looking at the pictures of people who are living overseas. i guess, when you're overseas, your facebook profile gets so concentrated. versus the diluted life i have now. so all-over-the-place. if ya get what i mean.

2011-05-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

SIGH. miss being friends with c harles. :(

2011-05-24T22:58:00.002+08:00

despite me knowing full well that what my mom said is crazy nonsense (even my sister laughed out loud at it)... it still kinda affects me and my mood. :((((

urgh hate all this negativity coming from home.

should have known better than to tell her anything. what good can ever come out of it right.

i'm in such a foul mood now i dun even feel like talking to d es cus i think i'll vent my anger on him. RAH. and my printer keeps hanging my com!!!

2011-05-24T22:09:00.001+08:00

omg just told my mommy. SO AWKWARD CAN. i spent like half an hour sitting in front of her to pluck up the courage to tell her. then i ran to my room cus i'm sure she's gonna tell my dad after he finishes with the dishes.

and now i dare not go out. so awkward!!! :|

2011-05-23T10:22:00.001+08:00

finally called u nilever and they are actually not done with the contract yet -.-
RELIEF.

now i can continue enjoying my holidays! :)

2011-05-21T00:31:00.001+08:00

RAH i am so silly. been frantically trying to contact unilever today to settle my contract and called like a few million times but i couldn't get through.

then a few minutes ago i checked and realised i've been dialling THE WRONG NUMBER.

kill me plzzzzz.

monday please hurry come and let me settle this quick.

2011-05-19T21:59:00.002+08:00

i feel damn bad now :( he didn't take it well and told me to leave him alone. well, he didn't say that but i kinda implied that from his words.

but i know i did the right thing la. sigh. things will be damn awkward the next time we meet for church stuff.

oh wells, there's that!

2011-05-19T21:03:00.004+08:00

okay shiett i just sent the most badly crafted message ever. like seriously, i just wanted to get it over and done with and didn't wanna writh around trying to phrase it nicely. please let him take it well (fingers crossed).

now, still got 2 others to deal with. but at least those will be easier.

AHH SHIT. my phone just beeped and i think it's his reply. shit shit shit dare not read.

....(reading)

hahs okay no it wasn't him it was des. phew!

rah i'm gonna unpack first and deal with this later.

2011-05-19T20:57:00.004+08:00

8/5/2011 :)

but now i have to do something unpleasant. eeks. should just close my eyes, grit my teeth, hit the send button and get it over and done with.

there's nothing i hate more than delivering bad news.

2011-04-30T12:15:00.001+08:00

okay told him be friends first then see how. haha. easy way out.
phew i finally feel at peace!

2011-04-27T02:01:00.002+08:00

for good.

you are the orbit.
i am the comet.
and (another) you are the sun.

2011-04-27T01:46:00.007+08:00

today a wise friend told me, never rush into anything until you are truly at peace with it. because even if you miss it the first time round, God will bring it to you again. we are living in His kingdom, not in the world where opportunity never knocks twice.

on a side note, other things which happened today:
1) z iwei's car overheated and some pipe ruptured on the expressway. so we immediately exited at punggol, and as a result, all three of us (plus k ris) were stranded in the middle of punggol for 2 hours. we walked to the petrol station to buy water and waited for the engine to cool down. and, the most epic part was. after the car managed to move off, we moved off. AND FORGOT TO TAKE BACK THE HAZARD SIGNBOARD ON THE ROAD. haha -.-
2) i got the official offer call from unilever and found out my pay :D
3) i skated 36km from fort road to changi village and back with that precious wise friend from church.

and here comes the highlight... I RODE A MOTORBIKE FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG i love the feeling! night air pushing you back so much that u feel like you're gonna fly off any moment. awesome.

- sighs contently :)

2011-04-09T00:00:00.006+08:00

update (esp. for ming:p)/

hai j enric really exaggerated the certainty of the trip. it really sounded as if they were going off regardless and leaving me alone here. luckily i spoke to d es about it. HAHA. here's the update from ytd: i was really angry at him ytd for not even consulting me but i did what you said and was nice like usual towards him (anyway my anger usually cannot last overnight one). i didn't even raise the issue at all but he brought it up anyway and told me that he thought i would be shagged after my assessment center so he wanted to wait till the weekend to discuss it together with j enric. yup. in my defense, j ens really really made it sound as if the plans were like 100% firmed up already and they were going regardless of whether i went or not! but according to d es, it's only like, 30% firmed up and he doesn't wana go with just her alone.

so lesson learnt: don't raise your blood pressure and be angry/sad for nothing till you hear both sides of the story. haa haa. something we all know from young but man, never did i realise how hard it was to practise.

2011-04-07T22:05:00.001+08:00

yes i am jealous.

2011-04-05T01:13:00.002+08:00

how much i wish that i could find a formula for everything in life and work everything out slowly, methodologically and steadily...

2011-04-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

set it right.

hoping, for all the wrong reasons.

2011-03-26T23:18:00.002+08:00

damn, so weird that i didn't pass the u niqlo online reasoning test. cos i'm usually really good at this kinda mensa stuff. first reasoning test i failed, cannot be complacent next time! okays, time to strike japan off my list. i don't think my parents will let me live there for 3-4 years anyway, with all the nuclear issues. on with the job hunt!

2011-03-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

some people talk so much and use such flowery language and try to use so much technical jargon but in the end when you question them, they really don't know what they are saying. first time working with such a smokey person. am trying not to roll my eyes everytime he speaks. hahs.

2011-03-23T10:11:00.000+08:00

suddenly it feels like the whole world has slowed down.

2011-03-19T00:35:00.001+08:00

so tired i could have fallen asleep in the shower. this would be a good time to have a bathtub to just soak in for a couple of hours... or a jacuzzi... or waterbed. but for now i think i'm content with just doing that in my dreams. hmms. :) goodnight world :)

#tiredbuthappy.

2011-03-12T19:38:00.003+08:00

things are not as bad as they seem.

yesterday it seemed like i would NEVER EVER finish my io psych paper, and i was so so tired of trying to force words out. and so so tired trying to finish my other two psych papers as well.

bad morning at home today, yep, got agitated by mom :| so i came to school and continued. and voila! before i knew it, i'm done already (with one paper at least). hurray!

now to systematically finish up the other two. breatheeee. i can do this.

2011-03-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

"...respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good."

- 1 Thessalonians 5:12-20

2011-03-08T19:32:00.000+08:00

blah.

2011-03-08T16:17:00.001+08:00

and so, i stay away till i figure it all out.

2011-02-25T00:32:00.001+08:00

RAH. listening to club music makes me feel like going clubbing. d es they all went yesterday but i couldn't because... ya.

FIGHT THE FEELING!!

2011-02-24T10:34:00.002+08:00

just came back from lyrical hiphop class last night with the churchies and omg, love! haha and i can do lyrical hiphop! love dancing to the pulses and texture of the music instead of the counts. WHEE. :D

though i'm aching so bad now, my neck, my shoulder blades, inner thighs, thighs, calves etc., i'm like thinking of the chereo 24-7 cos' it's so nice. rahhh. chereo to fallin' out by keyshia cole. it really makes me wanna go for the auditions for easter on saturday but i know i shouldn't. i spoke to j oy and a nn and they also said i should concentrate on my studies because such opportunities will always be coming. i have this feeling inside of me that is egging me to join this performance but i know wisdom would say no. no no no :(

well, i hope the christmas item is comtemp - i would grab the chance to perform with all my life haha!

now... i guess i have to just join open classes till saturday to stave off those "dance pangs". darn! i really feel like going for easter. AHHHHH!!!!

2011-02-21T19:25:00.002+08:00

horrific realisation that i take on average 96 panadols per year. how ah. stupid cramps :(

2011-02-19T20:25:00.003+08:00

omgosh time is crawling. i am still super nervous for the interview HAHA. so nervous i've been having a mild headache/malaise since friday. rahh. i know i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. once i start applying for many other jobs, and getting many other interviews (i hope!), it won't be so bad anymore! hurray to psycho-ing myself. ahhh can't wait for monday to be over!!

2011-02-19T09:59:00.002+08:00

omgosh first proper job interview ever! SCARED :(

and i decided not to dance for easter already. no time. meeting up with the dancers on weds but i. cannot. change. my. mind. seriously the first half of the sem was crazy enough. now papers are due and projects start coming in.

wanted to join j ess's contemp jazz class but it started 2 weeks ago -.- hmm. i guess i can go for the open class. but i think it'll be a bit fast for zy cus he got no background. hahs dunno. prepare for interview first! it's gonna be one hectic recess week as usual!

2011-02-12T20:51:00.004+08:00

when i am weak, then i am strong.

stupid fever be gone. come on, just one more lap tomorrow, i can't collapse now. just wait for tomorrow, and then this episode of my service to God will be complete. i'm rather apprehensive because i hadn't had much time to study for my midterms but i will just trust that He will abound and multiply whatever i have given up for Him.

ah i'm gonna put a link here to note to myself some answers i found:
1) to how God uses the problems in our lives, including physical ailments, to bless and shape us. it challenges what i thought about how He heals all but i will ponder about it later when i have time.
2) to my conversation with b enita about how God will not "punish" you if you don't have enough faith. i like this line: "A weak faith is still faith and it can move the highest mountains if God wills it. God does not require a certain level of faith from us, just faith in itself."

okay till later! I NEED TO STUDY AND MEMORISE X13932358485648 THINGS!!!!

2011-02-10T01:00:00.002+08:00

strange how you suffice for now.

2011-02-09T21:48:00.002+08:00

omg studying for IO psych is driving me nuts. urgh. the prof really cannot communicate well and her slides are incomprehensible!!

2011-02-09T13:35:00.003+08:00

random memory of when i was studying for o levels in y ouyi's house. i was studying on her bed, and she was studying at the table.

me: (hears rustling sound and looks up) uhh. y ouyi, don't scream but there's a huge monkey behind you. and it's grabbing some potato chips.

y ouyi: (looks behind and screams)

monkey: (grabs the whole bag of chips, runs to the window and climbs down)

of course we locked the windows after that. but later, we saw the same monkey, coming down again past our window with an onion it stole from someone living higher up -.-

and then, again, with a mandarin orange.

haha. hilarious.

2011-02-08T11:49:00.005+08:00

gravity.

of all people, don't i know best how the icy scandinavian air and blankets of white refreshes your mind and aids forgetting?

one of my favorite dances. :)

2011-02-07T00:46:00.003+08:00

the day was today and gosh, WAS IT AWESOME!! :D

i had so much fun backstage monkeying around with the rest of the dancers. so goofy and so much laughter! though it was a really tiring 4am to 630pm day of four performances, wow. each time i went on stage, i really really enjoyed myself and couldn't help smiling and having that twinkle in my eye - it was contagious! especially the last service, t eresa described it as how we were "feeding energy off the crowd". we cheered and jumped and whooped with the crowd, and really danced our all out.

really, it's eleven as one, for the audience of One. i am truly amazed and satisfied by this journey. YEAHHH!!!! conquerors!! :)

2011-02-03T00:22:00.005+08:00

it's been an intensive week of dance preparing for the performance this sunday, and everyone's really trying their best, trying too hard sometimes. the last week was really crazy, with many people sustaining injuries as we just practise and practise.

what j oy said last practice really spoke to me. that throughout this time, we made many decisions. and He knows each and every decision we made, He honours them. it touched me particularly because i remember how at the start, i was so close to quitting because i felt that it was for the better of the team. i felt so lousy and inexperienced, but in the end, i made the decision to just go on, and trust in Him. now i have seen, how He has transformed me, and whatever i could not do, He has filled in the gaps. i know that my improvement is not natural, because i have tried to learn hiphop in the past, and um, it wasn't a very good attempt. but yes, like j oy said, He honours our choices, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. especially when the very purpose of this dance is to glorify Him this festive season. i believe that on stage on sunday, whenever we are lacking in strength, stamina or even groove, He will meet our needs above and beyond our expectations. and we will dance for His glory.

for in Him we live, and move, and have our being.

2011-01-19T21:07:00.002+08:00

hmm, that's enough indulgence for now. cos' that's all it really was.

2011-01-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

HEE HEE HEEE :D

2011-01-07T01:29:00.004+08:00

ughh. don't like what alcohol does to people.

为什么还不放过我?

hmm. on a separate note. must remember ipoh. hee. the jacket, the seal acts, the swim across, the quiet, seemingly reluctant support. so sweet. 6 more days and then the memory will be a memory. but good times it was :)

6 more days, happy or sad to go? 13/1; 0025. i'll never know. so cryptic, as always.

2011-01-05T00:32:00.006+08:00

"to avoid sediment on the ground from being swirled up it has to be removed. if you only filter the water, this will not solve the problem, because new sediment forms all the time."

i think, come summer, things will be swirly and colourful and messy.

2011-01-02T01:38:00.001+08:00

12/1 13/1 emo

2011-01-01T03:29:00.001+08:00

omgosh ITCHY FINGERS. STOP NOWWWW!!!!!!
stupid stupid.

2011-01-01T03:26:00.001+08:00

sometimes, you know, i think i'd do anything to hijack it :(

2010-12-31T01:39:00.001+08:00

a most bewildering
a stirred heart
and then, silence?

2010-12-26T18:04:00.005+08:00

had a really nice talk with the cab uncle today and it's really heartwarming to see how God has touched people's lives. the cab uncle said he used to be a translator for mediums because he could understand what spirits were saying and summon the chinese deities. but a year ago, he got to know the one true God and fell in love with Him. isn't it amazing? the uncle was saying the deities had powers, they could exorcise demons and make things happen. but he found that God was really the most powerful above all of them. i love how it is that the Almighty God is also the one that loves us so deeply, more than our human minds can even imagine. He has the power to force all of us to worship Him, yet He chooses to leave us our free choice, to woo us. love how it is that He is our King, but also wants to be our Servant to serve us. seriously. God seems to be too good to be true. yet, He is the only truth in this shake-able world. ♥

2010-12-20T15:11:00.003+08:00

results again and as usual, it's PTL again :) haha. 3.86! was estatic when i saw because i've never got past 3.7 before, and this sem, i was truly resting in Him. sometimes i get abit anxious because i know my own knowledge would never warrant the grade i got. take BP last sem for example. i failed midterms miserably and was bottom 20th percentile of the class? yet, somehow miraculously i managed to get A-. which, honestly speaking, i really really did not deserve because my grasp of the concepts are terrible. i myself know. hehs. same with MR this sem, except this time i didn't feel so worried because i knew God would take care of things. tada, A :) like i said, my concepts are really weak and if you asked me the difference between linear and what-ever else regression (i can't remember) at this moment, i uh, really need to check up the books. yup. yeah a nagging feeling in me because ya, i will probably need to use MR in the future so i eventually have to know? haha. but ya, when the time comes, i know my God will take care of it. whee.

amen to a even better sem next year, all glory to Him :)

2010-12-18T19:55:00.002+08:00

ok nono. must think positive. i am going to recover from my fever by tomorrow and start practising! gogogo!

and if like, i still suck by the end of this month i think it will be better for the team if i withdraw. but till then, i am gonna practise everyday! jiayou me!

2010-12-18T19:51:00.001+08:00

and i think all this stress is why my fever is not. recovering. sigh sigh sigh. AHH THIS SUCKS! you know. while i was bathing today i even contemplated spraining my ankle on purpose or something so i wouldn't have to perform. shitteee. this is so bad.

2010-12-18T19:25:00.004+08:00

my close friends probably know that i'm uber stressed out by my upcoming dance item. hiphop -.- i've never ever been so stressed out over dance before. back in jc, even when we had like 1 month to learn the chereo and perform, i could somehow just do it. of course, it helped that we did contemp in JC, which is like, my forte. and hiphop is so not!!!

over the last few days, i've been wondering and cursing at why they let me through the auditions when i clearly am not as good as the rest. there are ten dancers, and among us, nine are trained in hiphop, performed several times, and then, there's me. sigh. it's too much to ask for in too little time. contemp was a breeze for me because years of training gave me the required muscle memory - give me an action and i roughly know what goes on next. with hiphop, it's like learning to walk all over again, forcing myself in awkward positions i'm not used to, in fact, in positions which defies all that i've learnt during ballet and contemp. i can't get the slouching right, nor the tough firm arm stance, all of which are the foundations for hiphop. why, i repeat, why did they let me in. okay, maybe i should change my wail to why, why did i go for the auditions?! now, i can't pull out.... nor can i keep up.

today i had a fever, so i just sat in and observed the class. at times, i found it really encouraging, like. yes, it's my chance to challenge myself and master this. but, it's humiliating when you can't catch up. at least, i'm not used it it because i've always been one of the better dancers in my jc. maybe it's pride talking. i don't know. nonetheless, i'm thinking of the dance moves every single waking moment. listening to the chereo music sends my palms sweaty and brows in a frown. yet when i try to dance it out, i just feel like a big clumsy mess. emo much. i don't know how much i can take this stress man. i was this close to pulling out. and i'm still thinking if i should. one month. one month to learn a completely new dance genre, which is nothing similar to anything i've danced to in my life. nothing like contemp, nothing like ballet, nothing like jazz, nor salsa, nor waltz. but it's not a rare genre, many have done it before... maybe i can. one month to master it, dance it like i've been dancing it my whole life. to go out there and perform.

omg. i am so freaking out. :(

2010-12-17T17:38:00.001+08:00

how the polarization of two people starts after going their separate ways.

2010-12-16T00:28:00.003+08:00

okay. much better now! :)

now let's get back to my meaningful morning. today i accompanied a manda's cousins to carol at the people's dialysis center. hmm. in the first session, i felt quite confused as i was singing the carol. because we were there to share joy, but i felt sad looking at the sad faces of the patients. who knows what they were thinking, maybe about the meaning of christmas? about whether it would be their last one? as we were singing, i caught a glimpse of the old man in front of me wiping off a tear. and that really challenged me in keeping my spirits up.

but i guess all in all, the patients do appreciate some cheer in their lives. these patients are those who have been rejected by the hospitals, as the hospitals only take in patients who have failure in one kidney. the moment both kidneys fail, they are rejected from treatment in the hospitals- almost like a death sentence, i feel. so they are sent to this dialysis center which is mostly for poorer people, costing 10 times less than treatment in hospitals. in the dialysis center, many of the patients were missing limbs. this is because to run the dialysis, a big needle needs to be injected into a major vein in the arm. after some time, this vein will collapse. when this vein collapses, that arm has to be amputated i guess, and the needle is injected into the other arm. when the vein in other arm collapses, the needle are injected into the thighs. finally, when there are no other veins left, the needle is injected into the patients' neck. if that last vein collapses before the patient gets treated, then, no more treatment can be done.

i always thought that old people could be moody and cranky and times, and would like, ignore you whenever they want. but, the people i met today were really nice, they would open up to you as long as you made the initiative, and they were clapping and singing along. it was really heartening to see the patients reading the songsheets diligently and singing along, especially to that song in hokkien. a particular patient, after finishing his treatment, even joined us in our second session to sing for the other patients. lastly, i met this lovely old lady who was all smiles and looked truly sweet because she was looked so happy and at peace the whole time even though i'm sure the dialysis hurt like crazy. hmm. honestly i came to carol today with no idea how carolling would help them, especially when we didn't sing in perfect pitch or anything. but judging from the responses i saw today, i'm sure that at least some people were touched in ways i would never understand.

2010-12-15T20:21:00.003+08:00

RAH. was initially supposed to come back and talk about the immensely meaningful morning i had, but the email i read just ruined my day. though it actually can be considered a very small petty thing, i feel so angry!! not a cool thing to treat the friends(us) of the girl you are chasing(my friend) like that! NOT COOL NOT COOL. thanks for ruining my day BWCGAD.

okay i shall go shower and after that i shall cool down and talk about my meaningful experience and graciously let this pass. rah.

2010-12-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

i already know what i'm gonna do with my first paycheck - buy a new second-hand piano. whee. i think i've already reached the limit with what i can do on my old one.

2010-12-10T11:32:00.004+08:00

ahh the facial i went to on tuesday not good! my face is still red. hmm. guess you get what you pay for. adonis was good but so expensive (and for aunties haha).

2010-12-05T22:49:00.001+08:00

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that's all right, because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that's all right, because I love the way you lie,
I love the way you lie.